i promise this is the last one ever. one last writing about him. im so messed up and i hope writing here would give me a feeling of relief.

i dont know about you, but in a relationship i really appreciate private time of my partner. if they want to spend it on friends thats okay, on business thats okay, on event thats okay. and im the type who's very aware that we're only human. we love we fight. especially arpund my age, we re still seeking our true self in order to feel whole as a human being. we study, we work, we socialize, all in the process of finding that oneself. i understand that. the person who made me understand was my former boyfriend. he made me realize so many things i never paid attention to until he showed me. i think that was one of my goimg-to-adult highlight. it was important and it felt special, i really loved him.
i understand, i appreciate.. meaning i dont have negative thinking towards his decision om how he wanna spend it. im not a high maintenance person, im pretty simple. so long as i know he loves me and i love him, im happy. i dont ask questions. i rarely get mad.
had i been taken for granted?
was i a fool to let you break down my walls?
was i not good enough?

why didnt you talk about it? you said you love me why did you hurt me? at least i have the right to get the right treatment from a said-gentleman. why didnt you just end us up and tjen go with million girls i wouldnt care. that wouldve been more polite. that wouldve been more 'you'. the 'you' i thought i knew. but turns out i didnt. 3 years and i dont know 'you'. maybe you were right, you keep changing and developing. and im okay with that. but whatsup with playing with people's feeling? is that really the change you want? is it better than before? or are you always like this but i just shut my eyes because i already blinded by the thought of you being the best version of yourself. im devastated. im thankful, but im here in million pieces. i have so much questions i wanna ask but i was so broken i couldnt bear hear you one more second.



may
be you dont know, but almost every each one of my friend hate us being together. they said terrible things and i defended you. i stood by your name not only because i loved you but because i sincerely thought you are different. i was wrong


i was here missing you, and you were there with someone else. whatever.. i still hope youre happy. good bye and i hope youll be doing well. i love you